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Wedding dilemma: My childhood friend is jealous I've chosen my college pal to be my maid of honour

Your wedding dilemmas solved

I’ve chosen two bridesmaids: a childhood friend and a college friend, who will be my maid of honour.

The two have met a number of times over the years but because they live in different places don’t know each other very well.

I expected them to be happy to be my bridesmaids, so am really upset to discover my childhood friend is jealous she’s not my maid of honour. She seems to think I’ve given her a second-class role.


Is there any way to diffuse the situation?


When you chose your maid of honour did you know what it actually meant? Many brides-to-be aren’t certain what their maids’ responsibilities are, and, if you are one of these people, then you can easily go back to the drawing board and split up the tasks evenly. Why not sit down with both girls to divvy up a list of jobs that they’ll each be responsible for.

Ask them to pick things they’d each like to focus on. According to tradition, the maid of honour organises the hen party, but it may ease tensions by asking both girls to work together as a team to plan this.

The same goes for all other jobs too, from selecting dresses to running errands on the morning of your wedding. Unless you specifically want a maid of honour I’d recommend telling both friends that, on reflection, you don’t need one at all. Explain that, in your excitement you rushed into things and now that you’ve done your research you’ve realised a chief maid is really only necessary in large wedding parties.

Your college friend should accept this explanation while your childhood friend should be reassured of her importance to your celebration.

-- From Irish Brides Magazine, now THEVOW Magazine

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