Stock photo by Nick Karvounis

The Final Say

'I thought we were close' - Should this woman straight out ask her colleague if she's invited to her wedding?

The woman has sat back while other teammates received their wedding invites, but now worries her own won't be forthcoming

Mixing your work and you wedding can be quite a tricky thing to manage.

No, we're not talking about how to get away with spending the morning on Pinterest, or how to sneak out of the office for an important cake-tasting session. We're talking guests list, namely: do you invite your colleagues? What if you're not that close? Can you invite some but not others? And - most worryingly - what about the boss?!

Usually the line is drawn for couples from the get-go, with options such as; 'nobody from the office' to 'only if you hang out outside of work hours (and not in a work capacity)' or indeed 'only if said colleagues are close enough to have met your other half (again outside of work dos)'.

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But sometimes things aren't that cut and dry. And some colleagues who might have thought a relationship was more than coffee break chats in a closet-sized kitchen can be left hurt and offended when they realise that all those lifts they've offered and biscuits they've donated do not a wedding guest make.

Which is exactly where one woman has found herself with a colleague whom she considered herself close to, when she realised that she had not (perhaps yet) been invited to her wedding.

The woman has taken to Mumsnet to crowd source an opinion on how to deal with the apparent snub, and whether or not she should straight up as her colleague if she's invited to her wedding, after no invitation to the celebration bearing her name has surfaced.

"We are a team of four people and we are quite close at work, we chat, etc and I drop her off on Fridays," explained the woman, who goes by the name Tohaveandtohold on the popular parenting forum.

The woman explained that she has talked through all aspects of the wedding with the bride-to-be since she got engaged, that she has gone to dinner with the woman, driven her home from work on a weekly basis and, curiously, 'even once followed her to the wedding venue' (this sentence, one would assume, just lacking a little context).

"Basically," she continues, "two weeks ago, she gave the other two people in the team an invitation to the wedding. I was there but she didn’t give me one. I still dropped her off last Friday as well and we have had lunch together almost every day this and last week and still no invitation card for me. Could I ask if I’m invited to the wedding or can I be invited and not have a card?"

While the woman's invite wasn't forthcoming, opinions on what she should do about it were.

"I don't think you should ask her and I wouldn't be dropping her off either. She's been using you. Not nice," advised one of the first on the thread, while the very next comment went the complete opposite direction advising the woman to ask straight out.

"If you don’t have an invitation you’re not invited," one user dryly pointed out.

Some suggested finding out indirectly, with ideas such as: "I would start talking about the outfit you’ve bought for her wedding and wait and see what she does" and "Could one of the others ask her and tell you what she says? It would be very unfair of her to ask two out of the three of you."

One user commented that they'd die from curiosity if they didn't know, while another apparently already dying of wonder asked "Why did you follow her to the venue?"

Much of the advice leaned towards asking straight out if she was on the list, adding if she wasn't to cut the car rides out STAT.

In perhaps a more level comment, one user pleaded with the woman to ask, and posed this story: "We genuinely forgot to invite one of his old friends to our wedding. He was invited to the stag do but somehow got missed off the wedding invite list. We only realised afterwards and were absolutely mortified. I wish he'd mentioned it beforehand!"