Wedding Talk

Woman left crushed when friend's parents advise her not to gate-crash wedding as 'surprise' guest

A woman has said she has been left 'crushed' after her friend's parent didn't get on board with the idea of her turning up to their daughter's big day as a surprise guest.

The wannabe gate-crasher, said that she had 'the most awkward conversation I've ever had with someone' when she approached the parents of her bride-to-be friend, and asked them for their permission to turn up to the day, uninvited, to surprise the bride.

"I feel absolutely crushed to be honest," the woman told users of the parenting forum Mumsnet. "She was maid of honour at my wedding and she did a similar thing by coming back and surprising me at my hen party."

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The woman explained that her and her friend fell out five years ago, but had recently been in communication again, and have become 'really close' after reconciling at Christmas.

The friend is due to tie the knot in France later this year, however the woman in question hasn't been invited.

"After a lot of thought and realising that I would regret it if I didn't go," said the poster, "I went to see her parents today to ask them if it would be ok if I surprised her by coming to see her before she gets married at the town hall so I could see her in her dress etc. I was immediately met with hostility and I could tell straight away by their faces that they didn't want me to."

Asking if she was being unreasonable to have expected a more encouraging response from the parents, posters were inclined to diasagree.

"Seeings as you've had a non existent relationship for five years only recently they are probably worried something might upset the day. As it's her wedding I'd think the same as the parents to be honest, sorry!" advised one user, adding that it's easy to feel 'close' again but that the length of time that they had not been talking was significant.

"You being there will throw her off guard and upset what is a really special moment," said another, while another poster added that "you put her parents in a very awkward position."

Read more: The great guest list debate: Six people you DON'T have to invite to your wedding

Regarding the friend surprising her on her own hen night, one user said: "This is not the same at all as her surprising you on your hen night. Firstly that's your hen night not your wedding day. Secondly (as she was your maid of honour) I assume you had invited her/wanted to come, and the surprise was that she could make it when you thought she couldn't?"

The majority sided with the bride's parents, and further advised the woman not to take the issue any further:

"It was unreasonable to ask her parents for permission to "crash" any of her wedding. Whatever your intentions, they'd run the risk that seeing you there would lessen the day for her, for whatever reason"